have to illustrate about 3 or 5 charcoal sketches of a book i have to illustrate for, a tree with 3 lynched bodies, a indian village, the people, the dark thing under the tree .. . god so much stuff in about a month. . .maybe 2. I am getting a second job. which i think is pretty cool, its only 3 stores down from where i work, and only 3 days a week, its like another paycheck towards bills and saving up, you know? 2 of my best friends hurt me this week, one more than the other. i won't say who, don't ask. Bringing it up to them is pointless, they really wouldn't understand if i explained it to them. I love them both, but they are both kinda self centered people, so i kind of expected it i guess. . . I can't really be vengful about it either, i'll just let it pass and keep in my mind for when something happens, i'll be like, just remember what soandso did, and it'll remind me to be smarter. . .

Yup,so for my first ever journal entry, thought i would write how being on deviant mildly depresses me. To begin with, i used to draw, like all, the time, i was kinda good, I'm on gaia, i would offer my art to be sold for like 300 gold*if youa re on gaia, you KNOW that is a DAMN good price for art* I ahd NO buyers, no one ever liked my art, and i did all the usual stuff i advertised, i whored my self out on special events, everything. It happens everywhere i try to pimp my art, people kinda brush it off and go to the next thing. Not many people like my art, too cookie cutter i guess, doesn't really stand out. So i finally join Deviant at the request of a few friends, and since i ahve been on, i uploaded one naru sasu saku love sexy thing, and got banned for 2 weeks, I drew it of course per request of a friend, and she uploaded the SAME photo, didn't get a single word of it. i looked up hentai,a nd some other things on deviant, Would not believe the things i found, none of them got flagged, and before you ask, yes, i gave it like, SEVERE warnings. I mean, it most certainly wasn't my best art, and not one i am too proud of. But i had it done within 2 hours, i have never gotten a friends request to draw done in 2 hours, but either way. So i see all these wonderful peices of art that i wanted to be like, and cannot bear to look at them. . .cause i hate that i can no longer draw like that. I did a portrait of a friend today, which i used to be reallllly good at, almost photo like. It looked absolutely NOTHING like her. She was like, its ok, i like it. She doesn't get it though, I am ANAL, i failed, EPICALLY, i was so frustrated, I mean, it came out nice after a few adjustments, but still. Well i am hitting the hay, got work tomorrow. at 10,. hurray